Okay, so how did my visit to Lejeune and feeling blessed switch to my remembering the "bad 'ol days"? It's a long story. I started to listen to stories from my brother's old friends... stories of a person I never knew. I started to feel pangs of sorrow, grieving for the brother I never had. Oh, my brother is very much alive, but you see, I haven't seen him in 15 years, and haven't spoken to him in about 11 years. He just chose not to be my brother. But it didn't happen 11 years ago. I believe it happened the day I was born.
Sometimes, we chalk up the fighting and picking as just sibling rivalry...something you'll grow out of when you're older...or so I was told. This never happened for me. Instead, there was a boy who grew into a man I've never really met...or only part of him. The part he let me see was the one who liked to torture his little sister to see her scream and cry. I grew up learning there's no use in asking for help or justice...that you stand or fall alone.
Why do parents and teachers punish and ridicule those who call for justice and defense? They're "babies" or "tattle-tails" or "whiners", right? WRONG. I wonder now if my parents had made us really talk to one another, really deal with the issues...I wonder if I'd have known this funny, charismatic, genius his friends spoke of? Don't get me wrong, I don't blame my parents and I only partly blame my brother. I just feel, looking back at the past, that many opportunities to build relationships are lost because it takes more energy that we want to exert.
Now, instead of a loving brother, I have a stranger that I only know through my parents' communications with him. I've never met my niece, and he's never met my son. I constantly fight the taunting words he spoke to me throughout my childhood, and must rebuild my self-esteem through Christ's words. Rejection is not an easy wound to heal.
So, the next time you're too tired to talk to your kids...the next time you tell yourself or your kids that things will change with time, don't fool yourself. Relationships are built, they don't magically appear. Take the effort to do encouraging, team-building things with your kids. You'll be glad you did! And if you can't let go of your past and feel like there's no hope, remember that there IS One that sticks closer than a brother! And HE is the Great Healer!
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